Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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