DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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