I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dignity is for republicans.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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