If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
