Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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