Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
