Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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