I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
