so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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