I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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