Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
