True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
