A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
