I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
