By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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