She is in my trunk
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
