I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
