Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
