Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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