i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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