nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
