what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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