you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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