I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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