You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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