shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
