If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
