How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
