When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
