he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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