Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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