How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize