the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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