you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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