dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize