I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
