M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
