JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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