Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize