her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize