Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
