They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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