I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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