I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
