Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
