what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The air taste purple.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
