Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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