Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
