I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk is not a location!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
