that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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