We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ladies don't puke and tell
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
