May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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