I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
