The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
