If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
