I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
