i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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