Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
