Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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