wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When are your genitals available?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
