The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
