whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
