I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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