I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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