i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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