Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
