i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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