Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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