Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need a beard to bite.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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