there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
