Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
