I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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