I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
where am i from again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
