Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
