i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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