He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
