Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
