Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
