Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
