She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
