i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
birth control should be required to get into college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
