Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
