I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
