I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
