This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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