Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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