Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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