4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
